Love is a many splendoured thing -- until it is molded into plastic and sold in the back of a porn shop. Then love appears as though its splendours might be uncomfortable, if not downright stomach-churning. Our rough-riding exposé of confusing and unnerving sex toys began at an adult convention, but our intrepid reporting didn't stop there. We decided to go deeper, which, coincidentally, is the same objective of many of the sex toys we inspected.
Below is a collection of a few that particularly stuck out. Some more literally than others.
Worlds Most Disturbing Sex Toys
Comes in size small, medium and ... Conehead?
Asylum.com
The Dong Bong, because Spring Break was getting just a little too classy.
Asylum.com
We'd rather not, but thanks for the offer.
Asylum.com
The Sexercise ball can help you lose weight, or break your neck in the heat of passion.
Asylum.com
Fantasy Glide. "All the fun without the hassle of a man!" Great. We've been replaced by a plastic dong glued to an aluminum pipe.
Asylum.com
We're guessing that Teddy Bear considers this a "bad touch."
Asylum.com
It's not going to seem so sexy when someone has to get the candy dust out of the cracks. Trust us on that one.
Asylum.com
Since people who are playing way too much Sudoku probably aren't having that much sex, there's Sudofuku. Form a puzzle with the numbers 1-9, then flip over tiles two at a time. When you reveal a sex position, act it out!
Eric Ita, Asylum.com
Plug OhMiBod into your iPod or MP3 player and it automatically vibrates to the rhythm and intensity of the music. Just one more reason to love Zeppelin.
Eric Ita, Asylum.com
Dong + Thighmaster + MacGuyver = The "Uni-Ram." You're either looking at Suzanne Somers nightmare, or biggest fantasy. We're not sure.
Asylum.com