Here at Asylum, we've covered a lot of "dude humping things" stories, and while we know all about the erotic qualities of steel benches, picnic tables and car wash vacuums, it seems the erotic adventurers of the world are still out there discovering new inanimate objects to defile. Accordingly, one of our home grown Australian freaks, from Newcastle, was recently arrested showing the world how it is really done while attempting to unlodge his penis from a pasta jar. Police saw 46-year-old Keith Roy Weatherly fumbling in his lap while parked in a no-parking zone and suspected he might have a weapon. But when they approached, Weatherly took off, instigating a 10-minute chase that reached a climatic moment when the Prego perv was stopped but refused to leave the car. Four officers approached with guns drawn, only to find Weatherly partially clothed with his noodle stuck in a 750mL pasta jar.
The officers used batons and capiscum spray to remove the perp from the car, while he continued "pleasuring himself in between bouts of wrestling." A search of the car revealed what sounds like the supply list for a very bizarre Friday night: pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
Questions Raised: What seemingly ordinary object will be the next to be victimized by the lonely and horny? Is there anything out there somebody won't hump?