For many, Friday and Saturday nights are mostly spent lunging about in sweaty nightclubs, grinding, spinning and wiggling for a glance or a wink from the female of the species. It feels like our own form of the Animal Kingdom's mating ritual, the elegant courtship of bonneted yesteryear replaced by rubbing buttocks with strangers while Dizzee Rascal screams the word "Bonkers". But is there anything we can learn from our less highly-evolved animal counterparts to bring to our human world of hip-shaking partytimes? How can we set ourselves apart from the herd when we get down to getting on down on the laminated pub dancefloor? Asylum looks to the Animal Kingdom for hints and tips, after the jump.
The Orangutan Keeping your arms low, swing your hands through your legs and then over and around your head, like your arms are out of control windsocks. If that doesn't seem to work, flap your fingers between your lips and scratch your arse, ideally at the same time. And if that doesn't work (and God knows why), trying swinging from doorframes or spinning on your backside.
The FrogTo do the frog, you're going to be spending most of your night with your hands on the floor and your arse likewise, so consider wearing gloves and an extra pair of y-fronts before busting out this move. Spring up and down whenever and wherever possible, though take care to not leap into barstools or up skirts. Ribbet noises optional.
The Hummingbird
Bring your hands to your chest as if you're doing the T Rex, then move your arms away from your body so they point away from your shoulders. At this point, wiggle your hands up and down furiously, accompanied by a buzzing noise. To differentiate yourself from doing 'The Bee', occasionally point and 'peck' your preferred potential mate with your nose. The move can also be used in the gym to improve shoulder muscle definition.
The Salmon
It's time to get wiggly. Clap your hands together and lower your head between your arms as if you're about to dive into an imaginary swimming pool. Undulate your body violently, flapping your torso with such vigour no woman will be able to keep her eyes off you. When she's least expecting it, 'leap' upwards then fall to the floor and waggle further, like, well, a fish out of water. This is the killer move, so don't cock it up.
The Bear
If you don't like invading people's personal space, this is not the animal-based dance move for you. Stand squat with your knees bent, keeping your arms wide and high, ready to launch. Maintain eye contact, raise an eyebrow or both, then hug and wiggle. This is a bear hug people, so only release when she makes a clear indication that she hates what you're doing.
The Kangaroo
You'll need to practice your Cossack dance moves for this one, so get those thighs in shape, people. While slamming your feet up into the air like your just don't care, don't keep your arms crossed, as the Cossacks do, but instead put your hands into fists, occasionally popping out a punch as and when you feel the dance needs more pep. Not one for a slow song – in that case, do 'The Sloth' and crawl into a ball on the nearest table and fall asleep.
